Heavenly Father,
I know that you are good. I believe that all things are in your loving hands. I worship you for all that you are.
And yet, we don't live in a vacuum. We live, as Christians, in the midst of the brokenness of this world that surrounds us. A world in which a prayer meeting in a church is turned into a crime scene. A world in which people are willing to take the life of another person.
I repent that while I do care about this horrific act, I do not care as much as I ought. I long to be in prayer for this church and yet I do not pray as fervently as I ought. I confess that while I may have never pulled the trigger of a gun, my heart is not immune to hatred towards others.
Father, forgive us. We have seen significant racial tensions in our country over the past 12 months. We have seen significant loss of life. We have seen injustice.
The Bible says that you are a God of justice. We come believing in you, trusting in you and pleading with you to be at work in our country and in the hearts of people to restore. We ask that you will renew.
Will you please comfort those children who have lost a parent because of this tragedy. I pray that you will be at work in the lives of the parents of this 21 year old man. Father, you are the God of all comfort so will you do your comforting work in the ways that only you can.
I pray for courage for this church, this faith community. May they be able to stand strong in the face of adversity. Grant that they will stand strong and in unity with one another. Help them to display the love of Christ in the face of brokenness.
I pray for grace. I pray that your grace will abound. That this church will experience how your grace is sufficient even in these times of adversity and trial. I pray that your healing power will be at work. I pray that some how through the ashes and devastation that your name will receive the glory and praise that you are due. I confess that I do not know how you will work. I pray that stories of faith will emerge from this church and that they will bring glory and praise to your name.
In the name of our Lord and Savior
Amen
Several years ago a friend of mine taught me the importance of a few words that changed my life. They have proved to be very painful and deeply healing at the same time. They are not difficult to understand or articulate but require significant character and maturity to apply. I admit, my character and maturity are not always up to the task.
The words are:
I am sorry.
I am wrong.
Please forgive me.
You may be thinking that you know these phrases, and you would be right. They are common. I knew them when my friend first shared them with me. What I came to realize is knowing the words and putting them into practice is very different.
Let's examine each phrase.
I am sorry
This phrase is a common apology. When you say you are sorry it is often received by the offended person as an admission of regret. To say, "I am sorry" is a statement of sympathy for the feelings of the person you have wounded. It is often seen as a heartfelt apology.
When you have a friend or a loved one who you have deeply wounded they need to know that you recognize that they are hurt. You may or may not agree that they ought to feel that way they do. However, your opinion of the validity of their pain doesn't matter. What matters is that your friend is hurting and you are aware of her pain.
However, sympathizing with the pain of the person you wounded if not enough.
I am wrong
This is a key phrase. The importance of saying to a person you have wounded that your words, action or tone of voice was wrong cannot be overstated. This phrase takes your first statement of sympathetic apology to a deeper level. You are not merely sympathizing with the pain of the person that you hurt, you are admitting that you played apart in their pain. While you may not be the sole cause of their pain you are willing to recognize that you are, at least in part, responsible.
Taking responsibility for our own wrong actions is significantly undervalued in our society. In our culture it is common to blame our offenses against one another, on our genes, on our family history or even the devil. It has become increasingly rare for a person to admit that he is wrong.
It takes a person of maturity and character to be willing to own his own mistakes before the person that he has wounded. This statement is hard but it is so worth it!
So far, you have sympathized with the pain of your friend, and admitted that your actions played some role in the pain they feel. This is wonderful progress but we are not finished yet.
Please forgive me
To ask for forgiveness is to ask the offended person to undergo a change in feelings and attitude regarding the offense, let go of negative emotions such as vengefulness, and to wish you well. You are asking your friend to now longer use the offense against you ever again.
You were wrong and caused pain to another person. You are inviting that other person to give you what you are not worthy of- forgiveness.
That's it
I want to share with you what I find to be the most difficult part, you stop. You stop explaining yourself. You stop justifying your actions. You stop acting and sounding defensive. You stop talking about you and let the words start the healing process. That's it.
I am not suggesting that this will fix all relationship wounds. There are some relational rifts that require much deeper work and even extended counseling.
I am simply sharing what I am learning and trying to live out. My hope is that the use of these simple words will bring healing and life to the relationships with the people that matter to us most.
